Building Heaven on Earth with a Pink Full-Set: A Black Single Mother writing and mourning because she is too traumatized to cry

Sometimes I write because I can't cry and I don't know if it is my Gemini moon or what, but that is just how I get to come closer to my feelings ya know? I don't care what no one tells you it is hard being a heady person, whether it's biblically, literally, figuratively, or philosophically. And I am doomed by all four. But the irony is I know this so I try to work it out and find balance. LOL!

The last couple of years have brought about a re-emergence of working-class youthful deaths as it relates to my first-person experience. In Black feminist theory, the premature deaths of individuals younger than 40 in working-class communities can be analyzed through various intersecting lenses such as race, gender, class, and systemic oppression. I have suffered some losses in the last couple of years of people trying to bear the brunt of dealing with systematic oppression.

Black feminist theory, particularly through the lens of intersectionality as introduced by Kimberlé Crenshaw, emphasizes that the overlapping identities of race, gender, and class lead to unique experiences of oppression and marginalization. This has been my jam, further escalated ever since dilly-dallying in being within the pearly white gates of Spelman College. Shout out to the Women's Center for Research. In working-class communities, much like the one I am from, Southside Jamaica Queens, NY, Black individuals face compounded disadvantages that can contribute to premature mortality. This has been heavy on my mind, body, and spirit. These disadvantages often manifest as limited access to quality healthcare, exposure to environmental hazards ( why does almost everyone in the hood have asthma or some sort of respiratory illness and let us not delve deeper into the skin ailments), and higher rates of violence.

The economic exploitation of Black working-class communities is a central concern in Black feminist thought. I can honestly say that coming from a matriarchal, working-class, Black radical, and faith-based family, my philosophical and political identity is still very much working class. So this is the thing right, my great-grandmother, Grandma Babe was a Licensed Practical Nurse for over 50 years and worked for over 60 years of her life. A Black single mother of five by definition yet in practice had the support of village and family, Grandma Babe worked hard her whole entire life. I often tell people who will listen that my great-grandma forwent a collegiate program after graduating high school opting instead to have children and support her larger family. I often think about all the health issues I witnessed my great-grandmother deal with in her end of life time, and become somber thinking about how she dealt with the bulk of these issues a good portion of her life in secrecy and kept her mind and spirit positive. While I do not doubt that this had extended the life she lived and its quality, she was a real no complaints type of person, I still become disgusted and disappointed that in the grand scheme of things my great-grandmother’s last decade did not afford a basic luxury, she was much entitled to after several back busting years of hard labor in care. It is an irony that makes my stomach nauseous to this day and why I am staunch on self-care prioritization.

The systemic inequities embedded in the disparities of wages, job security, and working conditions have profound implications for individuals' overall well-being. The detrimental effects of these inequities extend far beyond financial concerns, permeating into physical and mental health outcomes. Chronic stress, a common consequence of economic instability, can significantly impact an individual's health, leading to a range of negative outcomes. One would think I have arrived. I have escaped with great distance between this generational hard labor. I mean come on right? In New York City, a Black teacher making a six-figure salary although a single mother would generally be considered to be in the middle class right? If not for the Black single motherhood even upper middle class maybe. But we can see the specifics can be nuanced due to the high cost of living.

Middle-Class Classification

1. Income Bracket:

• Six-Figure Salary: Earning $100,000 or more annually places an individual solidly within the middle-income bracket. However, New York City's high cost of living can significantly impact what this salary can afford. You would think owning a house is not expensive. I kid you not, carrying an entire house while caring for two people is no joke. Especially if that house is old. c

1. Cost of Living:

• High Expenses: Housing, childcare, transportation, and other living expenses in New York City are among the highest in the country. This can strain even a six-figure income, making it feel more like a middle-class salary compared to other regions.

1. Single Motherhood:
   

• Additional Costs: As a single mother, additional costs such as childcare, education, and healthcare for a child can add significant financial pressure. These expenses can further impact the perception and reality of financial stability and class status. Sage Ali's educational and extracurricular fees are something else and gas is nothing to play with. Even if I wanted to rideshare, I am learning right now how high it is to taxi from point A to Point B alone. This is just the surface-level probing into my life.

1. Middle-Class Stability

2. Economic Security:

• Savings and Investments: A six-figure salary should ideally allow for savings and investments, contributing to long-term financial stability. However, the high cost of living in New York City might limit the amount left for these purposes after covering essential expenses.
  

• Healthcare and Retirement:

• Planning: Adequate healthcare coverage and retirement planning are essential aspects of middle-class financial stability. These needs can often be met on a six-figure salary but require careful budgeting and planning. Thank the Lord some of this mental labor is cut by union planning however it still requires a consistent and watchful eye for future and even emergency security.

Comparative Perspective

• Relative Status: Compared to many other areas in the U.S., a six-figure salary in New York City might not stretch as far, making it feel more middle-class than upper-middle-class. However, it still provides a higher standard of living than lower-income brackets and offers more economic security than many other professions.

In summary, a teacher making six figures in New York City, particularly as a single mother, would generally be considered middle class. The high cost of living and additional expenses associated with raising a child as a single parent create financial pressures that align this income more closely with middle-class status despite the nominally high salary. I don't get to reap the carefree rewards my financial class and earnings "award" me because I am a shifter in my family. I am shifting conversations and norms around money, class, and political identity for the people to come after me. I am trying to raise the bar higher while just being human, and I will be honest, it is not usually fun. It is a great responsibility. (by the way, I did not ask to have sighs at Ancestors)

So what does this have to do with anything? Well, everything. By many definitions, I would be considered exceptional. I don't like it and I don't think it is right that people have to be exceptional to live. Especially with so many interlocking oppressions asphyxiating them in immobility(financially). This brings me to my next observation or meditation if you will. The phenomena of racialized and gendered violence in working-class communities.

Violence, both structural and direct, disproportionately affects Black working-class communities. Black feminist scholars like Patricia Hill Collins and bell hooks highlight how racism and sexism intersect to exacerbate vulnerability to violence. Young Black men and Black transpeople often face police brutality and criminalization, while Black women and LGBTQ+ individuals encounter gender-based violence and discrimination. This persistent exposure to violence contributes significantly to early mortality. Stress kills for real. Read that again, stress kills for real. This is what I mean by interlocking oppressions. I have had very unfortunate and downright disgusting run-ins with law enforcement, since the age of 14 years old when me and my friend were walking to the corner store and were stopped and frisked by undercover police officers despite our alarm and statement that we were only fourteen. Why were we stopped? Because we were young Black girls (probably hypersexualized into women upon a glance) wearing North Face coats and timbs in the winter walking briskly to our destination. I never forgot the experience and the weight it added to my subconscious body, even today.

Black working-class individuals often lack access to affordable, high-quality healthcare, which is essential for preventing and treating life-threatening conditions. I am oftentimes triggered by this glaring fact when I think back to the fact my great-uncle, Uncle Abdullah, died in medical homicide when the prison refused to provide treatment for sepsis. This event occurred in 2016. This lack of access is compounded by institutional racism within healthcare systems, leading to mistrust and underutilization of medical services. Many of my community members straddle an imbalance of overtrusting medical professionals or distrusting medical professionals, and I must say it is very logical in both situations.

Reflecting on the stories shared by my Black women peers about their health struggles, I am deeply saddened by the losses we have endured. We were just little Black girls with so much potential and possibility. The memories of two childhood friends, with whom I once played double dutch, who tragically succumbed to medical conditions in their early thirties weigh heavily on my heart. A reality of why choosing peace when it is time to choose peace over everything is paramount. Their premature passing has left a void in our community, as they left behind preadolescent daughters who now navigate life without their mothers. In these moments, I can't help but feel a profound connection to them, recognizing that their experiences could easily mirror my own.

Despite the challenges and uncertainties that surround us, I find solace in the fact that I am currently in a healthier state, offering gratitude for each day of well-being. However, the harsh reality of our circumstances lingers in my thoughts - how long can this sense of security last in a neighborhood like 11436? The disparities in healthcare access, socioeconomic factors, and systemic inequalities continue to cast a shadow over our community, raising concerns about the longevity of our well-being. We deserve to live healthy and joyful lives.

Despite these challenges, Black feminist theory also acknowledges the resilience and agency of working-class Black communities. These communities often develop strong support networks and cultural practices that foster resilience and resistance against systemic oppression. Understanding this resilience is crucial for developing holistic approaches to address the root causes of premature mortality.

As I navigate these emotions and contemplate the fragility of life, I am reminded of the importance of cherishing each moment, advocating for better healthcare resources, and supporting one another through our shared experiences. Consideration is the highest value. We should consider the things we go through and choose to put on people. We should consider in what ways our selfishness can destroy others not just building up ourselves. Community is everything. Our resilience and unity serve as pillars of strength in the face of adversity, guiding us towards a future where health disparities are addressed, and every individual is empowered to thrive regardless of their zip code.

From a Black feminist perspective, addressing the premature deaths of young individuals in working-class communities requires comprehensive policy changes and activism. This includes advocating for economic justice, healthcare equity, environmental protections, and an end to racialized violence. Black feminist activists and scholars emphasize the need for community-led initiatives and policies that center the voices and experiences of those most affected by these issues.

In sum, Black feminist theory provides a critical framework for understanding the premature deaths of individuals younger than 40 in working-class communities, highlighting the interplay of race, gender, class, and systemic oppression. It calls for intersectional approaches to policy and activism that address the root causes of these disparities and promote holistic well-being.

As a Black Feminist Scholar, I think it is important to consider the intersection of race, gender, and class in addressing the premature deaths of young individuals in working-class communities. It requires comprehensive policy changes and activism. This includes advocating for economic justice, healthcare equity, environmental protections, and an end to racialized violence. Black feminist activists and scholars emphasize the need for community-led initiatives and policies that center the voices and experiences of those most affected by these issues. That would still be me. Us.

Let us discover the root causes of these disparities and promote holistic well-being because we deserve heaven in liberation on Earth today.

To Nyesha and Doresa,

I thank you for all the joy we shared as kids. I pray your spirits continue to inspire me and hold your baby girls closer than close as the world continues with you as Ancestors. I pray you can still reach them and comfort them as they find the strength to go and become young Black women living beyond the ages you all had to depart. I pray you all are finally getting some rest and getting to be carefree, healthy Black girls filled with joy.

I'll always remember you and I'll always love you.

your neighborhood childhood friend,

Shapel

And for Sage Ali may we continue to dance with joy and pain in this thing called life, living abundantly and as long and full as possible.

Mommy love you!